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If you don't already know what is SAFVC, it actually stands for Singapore Armed Force Volunteer Corps. It is a scheme put in place recently to allow Singaporean women as well as first generation PRs to contribute to the defence system of our small nation.
To date, many guys have started dreading National Service (NS) and i know of many guys who hate to serve or are unwilling to serve their nation. Some parents have also got to campaigning their precious son against NS. So why did i, a female, who isn't even obliged to serve, choose to serve the nation?
PRIDE
I think our generation is increasingly vulnerable because we are simply too pampered and have been living a good life since we were born. Although war is unlikely but being a really small country compared to the world shouldn't we take pride in defending ourselves, our family and our country? Its only so little of us here.
DIFFERENCE
I've always adored outdoor activities and look forward to camps when i was younger. As i was making this decision, i shared the idea with some girlfriends around me. The response was actually shocking because they too thought its a great idea and said they would want to as well. But after that, one of them shared it with her parents and they objected to it. The rest, when i really decided to sign up, i guess they backed out or were simply too lazy to do it. I asked the guys about it too and the response is always the same, "YOU SIAO AH! Don't go lah". Hahahahaha.
Actually, my parents too. Initially when i shared with them about this idea, they were very receptive and even encouraged me to (more of my dad, mum was relatively neutral). But after i signed up and was called for the interview, my mum asked me "Why do you have to go?"
BREAK AWAY
One of the major things that triggered my thought of serving the nation was to break free from the outside world for awhile (I initially thought this scheme is 2 years, like how the guys are obliged to serve but its a 2 week course with a separate 1 week advanced training depending on what you got posted to).
Choosing a junior college as my tertiary education has also put an immense pressure on my well-being. As a relatively average student who scores mostly Bs in my major exams, its really not easy. I thought i could cope because having gone to a neighborhood school, my ranking was always at the top, with me receiving Edusave awards almost each year for being the top 10% or top 25%. So i guess, that gave me confidence to choose a JC path? It was my aim since i was sec 2 and although i faced a tough heartbreak because my ex is against me going to a JC and we broke up eventually after i got into JC, i suppose i still don't regret it. I can only move forward right?? Hahahahaha.
HOW DID I SIGN UP?
There is an option through the internet via their portal (http://www.mindef.gov.sg/safvc/join-us.html) but i couldn't download the application form from their portal at all.
So, we had this career talk in school where you get to choose talks to attend to. A talk on SAFVC was one of the options so i undoubtedly choose it. A uniformed guy came to show us a video on what to expect and at the end of the session, we gave him our names. They then contacted me via email to sign up.
I have now went through the interview and got called up recently for a medical check up at CMPB. So i guess my application is pretty much approved unless of course there's something wrong with my health.
FYI: There are 3 phases of the two weeks training to choose from -March, June and August
I choose the March phase as my first choice and right now i have yet to be updated of which phase i got into. REALLY REALLY hope i get into the March one though.
I met this girl during my medical check-up while waiting for the doctor at the final examination room. It took quite awhile before our awkward smile and we started talking. She is probably a PR because she has a china accent. I don't know whether she is after the benefits of being in SAF which many will think so. But in my opinion, i feel that if a non-Singaporean has the courage to step forward and make this decision, what is stopping you fellow Singaporeans? Probably, you think its a waste of time if i would say.
If you have any questions to ask me regarding SAFVC, do feel free to email me at zuoen_gal@hotmail.com
Till next time,
xoxo
When a heart breaks it don't break even Wednesday, October 22, 2014 @ 8:49 PM
It suffocating, it feels like falling apart, being torn inside out and stabbed a million times. This is the worst heartbreak ever. Thankfully, i don't feel this way 24/7. But its like an illness, acting up from time to time. It really hard to accept you're gone, changed.
I'm constantly having thoughts that maybe, just maybe if it was my last month, week or day on this earth, would things be different. Would you come if i wanted to see you, would you hold my hand and tell me not to go? But silly, if this was a movie, you would be here by now.
One fine day i feel like "urgh i hate you, i'm never ever going to talk to you again", then a few days later i can't stop thinking, i can't. You said, they said, time will heal. Its so hard, i swear. I know i should keep my distance, i shouldn't bother you anymore. I don't want to do this either.
Why are you different? Everywhere i go, everything i do, something is bound to trigger the thoughts of you. HELP ME will you? Not with your coldness, not with your rejection.
Gone forever, aren't you.. The loudest cries won't be in exchange for a comforting hug.
Define death, you asked. Feel me, silly.
Screwed Sunday, May 25, 2014 @ 7:26 PM
Went over to downtown east for my cousin's birthday chalet last night.
Guess what? I'm screwed again. That place we were in for two nights, the road we walked to Mac to get food, the memories of you piggybacking me across the muddy soil, i know i'm screwed at that moment already. I've started stalking you a little here and there. I read through your notes. Those words were rather funny actually. "Don't be afraid to love when time comes" and "Believe in that person like i used to believe in you". I wish i could too lol. On the bright side wow, you know i am afraid to love now. You do? Or was it just some stuff that came out of your mouth randomly without much meaning to probe about.
Some weirdo started asking you weird questions of you ask.fm. Some of which are burning question i wanted to seek answers too so i read on. This is the most disappointing shit ever, but as always, from you. Someone asked you who you missed, you said your grandpa, fair enough. Then another person asked you whether you regretted doing anything, you said no... I just feel like a complete idiot right now. There you are in those notes telling me how sorry you are hoping i won't believe the mean words you said. Now its just showing me you're saying all these things out of desperation. You just missed me at that instant, that few days and boomz over. I fell prey to you again, sadly............ It would be a lie if i said i'm not hoping for anything but WHY am i still hoping.
Why is it that when you miss someone, only their good will come to you. But when you have someone, all you see is how shitty of a person they are. Urgh, i need a long long hug right now telling me everything is going to be okay although you never told me that because you said you didn't want to lie to me.
If only i was stronger, you were stronger, we were stronger.
Teary beary Thursday, May 22, 2014 @ 2:42 AM
These nights are so emotional for me. This stress from everything, everybody.
My school fees are not paid, my exams fee bounced. Life just wants to break me down and break me up.
My birthday just passed. I kept telling myself not to expect, do not expect anything. Its just a day you were born 17 years ago, its nothing special and yeah it really was nothing special.
A few things disappointed me. yuting clearly forgot my birthday which in my memory, she never did. Was it because i asked her for help the other time??
Then you didn't wish me which makes me feel like my mum is more important than me because you wished her for Mother's Day.
After seeing the picture huishi posted with the caption quoting what you said, i broke down on the way home just now. I thought of all the things you did to me, all the things you said to me. Tears just welled up in my eyes. I did the worse decision ever, against my own pledge to not view your twitter ever again. It was disappointing seeing her show up that ever often. You guys must be so close sigh.
I just downloaded back my love byte and i dont even know why the hell i did it.
You just love making me cry. What got over you? Why have you started updating that already dead place which you seldom even view in the past? How could you wish me happy birthday there and not send me a text. God, how should i react now. What should i do. Its killing me all over again.
Happy mother's day Monday, May 12, 2014 @ 12:09 AM
This weekend was a really unproductive weekend. I had barely done any school work. I wasn't in my right mind to do anything.
Today is mother's day and i am guilty of not getting my mum anything nor having any celebration for the greatest woman on earth
. I've been thinking about a lot of things by the end of today. What exactly is family and what exactly are friends?
. I've been thinking about a lot of things by the end of today. What exactly is family and what exactly are friends?
This morning, i heard dad raising his voice over the phone to my mum while i was having my tuition in the room. In the end it was because mum asked him out to eat or perhaps bring us all out to eat. But dad found her troublesome. Last night, he said he was tired and slept early. This morning till noon he was sleeping. And right now, he is sleeping too. Is he that tired? What made me think so much was while he found mum troublesome for asking him out, as always, he went out immediately till night when my uncle called him over to help out at the temple. I'm sure that would have been way more troublesome but why did he react so differently? It has just been months since that major incident between them and right now this couple seems to be heading right back to that state.
Mum is out now, probably with that guy friend but it makes me feel so uneasy. But how could they sleep apart at night and not miss each other. How can they be sleeping together yet it feels like they are sleeping alone. What exactly is this family built upon? Is this their kind of love or is it just commitment left. Would things have been different if not for kids. This sucks. All these questions are killing me mentally. On nights like these its just so lonely.
Next thing is a friendship. I know i have many great friends all around me. But why did Yuting ignore me when i merely mentioned help from her. I mean she has always been the one who makes me feel like hey this is a true friendship. Millions of miles apart, we're still in contact even though i did neglect her sometimes saying i'll call but i didn't or not replying till some time later. But she has always been rather prompt in replying me. Why is it that when i mentioned about help, its like magic POOF she's gone. Did i misunderstand the situation? I suppose only time will tell. But in this point of time seems like relationship failed me badly, kinship isn't doing well and friendship, what are those? I wouldn't say all of my friends are like that, some seems true to me too but i think i'll never ever know unless i needed help from them. Who truly stays and what truly stays. Oh god, my thoughts just can't chill. I just feel like drowning in them right now, help..
Responsibility Saturday, May 10, 2014 @ 12:48 PM
So...... TENNIS HAS FINALLY STARTED AFTER SO LONG YAY! I was so excited for it even though i have no idea how to play tennis hahahahaahha. Ordered a tennis racket from the coach which cost $85 :(((( But i had special request for red one, teehee. Hope i will get it although the coach was like "Still want to choose color ah!"
Went for talent time @ RP to support Shirlene's band last night and i was so exhausted when i reached home. Thank god Gloria's parents sent me home. If not i have to take the long train journey alone...
But well...the concert was okay because in the darkness i found panda and sat two seats beside him. But it wasn't as fun because it was so lonely throughout the whole concert even though Gloria was beside me. I guess i would have enjoyed it even more if i went with Hushou hushou probably because it is a clique with more people and more people = more fun except for settling down for food because it will always be so hard to find a place to accommodate all of us and before that, even deciding a place to eat is a tough one! I miss them.
But well...the concert was okay because in the darkness i found panda and sat two seats beside him. But it wasn't as fun because it was so lonely throughout the whole concert even though Gloria was beside me. I guess i would have enjoyed it even more if i went with Hushou hushou probably because it is a clique with more people and more people = more fun except for settling down for food because it will always be so hard to find a place to accommodate all of us and before that, even deciding a place to eat is a tough one! I miss them.
We're still stuck in the process of deciding what topic to do for our project work and it is so much of a burden urgh. Wish i could teleport to near future and get rid of it and Chinese (Not because i don't like Chinese but because i don't like the teacher). Okay shhhhh. But still i have to face up to reality and complete my work with perseverance so jiayou zuoen!!
And regarding my love life, that photo you posted with Janelle was a blessing in disguise! I think i finally got over the painful process of our separation because i finally stopped stalking you. It was easy plainly because i didn't want to see that photo of you both together, so close, so hurtful, so painful. So, ever since that day, i never viewed your twitter nor instagram. Although there were still photos of you somewhere in the social media somebody else posted and i would still stop to take a look but NOPE i will succeed this time.
Recently, i learnt a very important value. It is called RESPONSIBILITY.
I realised not many people around me practice responsibility and i wouldn't be able to term myself a responsible person either.
The first incident happened last Wednesday when we were supposedly having our first tennis training. But due to the rain, it was cancelled. It doesn't matter if it was cancelled, but what matters was nobody informed me. I had ended school at 2.30pm and tennis was supposedly going to start at 3.30pm. I could have gone home at least. The most infuriating part was even after 3.30pm, i wasn't informed still. I was sitting like a fool there with Nikki waiting and waiting until i finally decided to text the teacher-in-charge and it was then he told me tennis was cancelled. I don't know how the other tennis members get to know that training was cancelled but in my perspective it was a lack of responsibility from the teacher who didn't even bother to inform me at least. The second incident was this morning. My tuition was changed to Sunday instead of today because Vincent said he had something on today. I confirmed the time with him and ding dong, my tuition teacher turned up at my house today saying he wasn't informed of the change. Shouldn't Vincent be taking the responsibility of informing the teacher or did he expect that i had to inform the teacher for him? But on the bright side, perhaps he could have forgotten about it because of his busy schedule. Nevertheless, it was still an act of the lack of responsibility. He had always, in my eyes, been a really responsible and trustworthy person so this incident struck me quite hard.
It is always easy to judge somebody else's actions and critique on it so i guess its time for me to do some soul searching too to make sure that i don't repeat their mistakes i pointed out and got pissed over!
Thursday, May 1, 2014 @ 10:59 AM
Happy Labor Day @ 10:49 AM
Its 10.37am in the morning right now and i am already in a rather bad mood.
Its about my project work, SIGH. I think i am too much of a control freak. I just want to get things done like fast? I don't know how to describe this feeling. I'm probably just worried because i'll be busy in June. But it seems like my group members don't really care. Well maybe they do, i'm just too paranoid and it's pissing me off so bad. I just want to perhaps meet up to discuss our topic and we can do individual research or do it online i'm fine with it. PLEASE CHILL ZUOEN. Good working relationship :-)
That photo of you and Janelle was pissing me bad enough and you still went ahead to give her an individual post on Instagram. Great work boy. I don't know what is your intention but thanks that was a really great push. You make me lose my courage to even browse through those news feeds fearing more of these arrows will come strait through my heart. Not cupid arrows but arrows that kills.
I felt so lost recently. Its like nobody cares although i know there are people who cares. Insecurities really kills.
Sorry not sorry Wednesday, April 30, 2014 @ 4:56 PM
Got back my progress report last week and my results are like a piece of shit. Ok it was really a bad start to begin with for my JC life. Passed everything but it was all boarder line passes.. Had to see the econs teacher for PTM cause i got a sub pass hahahahaha. I be crying man but no be strong zuoen.
Today is the first meeting for tennis after so long finally!! But it was really disappointing. First of all, Nikki is absent from school so i had to go alone. The question being asked there is whether we want to start tennis early and end early or start late and end late. -This refers to the period of training. WHY? Because there is limited funds the school has especially for (expensive??) CCA like tennis which didn't win any awards for the school so they probably channel more of the funds to some other CCA. So in conclusion, we can only afford ONE coach for a limited period of time. My first impression was like.. WHAT WHY SO CHEAPSKATE ONE. The teacher-in-charge even said don't expect so much in terms of learning how to play tennis because most of us are newbies who don't even know the rules nor scoring system. So we got to do some homework at home regarding how to play tennis. He even mentioned he might give us a test at the end of the year. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
This is really a bad start too. Big sigh to me for always ending up in budget schools which can't afford anything much. I was still so excited for tennis and now the whole CCA doesn't seem like a properly structured one to me, god! I hope i will gain something out of it by the end of my journey here. I just want to pick up a skill, that's all. PLEASE DON'T DISAPPOINT ME MY DEAR TENNIS :(
So... today is your sports day and you probably won an award, yay for you! But that picture with Janelle was so disappointing to see. No rights to be jealous nor grumble over it but i still have to admit how pissed i am over it. I did something so childish i can't even believe i did it. I posted that photo of you and her in our memories space captioned "33rd month and 1st sports day w her". 33rd refers to our monthsary today if we were still together.
That day after telling me that we shouldn't talk anymore and all the mean stuffs, i checked your twitter and you said "Sorry i had to make you leave me". Was rather relieved to know you were at least sorry but you deleted that tweet after a few days. I don't know what's your intention but you probably didn't want to seem weak? I'm guessing but sorry not sorry too. You didn't even meant your apology.
You know when people say something like "Seeing you happy make me happy even if it's not with me, that's fine". I totally agree with the seeing you happy makes me happy but hey if you really love(d) that somebody it's fine? ITS FINE IF ITS NOT WITH YOU? wow. That love could have been so great but not within my range of love. That's not the kind of love i had wanted to end up with. Because of this theory, how many times have you just let go because OH IM SO TIRED. Oh this is crap. I am undergoing so much more stress than you, you don't even have the rights to compare. Yes you gave up so much, have i not? Remember i got slapped because of us? Remember how i risked everything for you? Remember all that i have done for you? No you don't remember. You only remember how much time i can't spent with you, how restricted my life is to be with you, how lousy of a person i am to you. Yes that's all you know, boy. You never ever ever ever ever since the honeymoon period died down, saw the good in me. Thanks baby, really. Thanks for making me feel so stupid because i am unable to get over someone like you. You're going to have so many things to rebut my argument today if you ever knew. But just keep quiet, i know you did much more than i know too, i know. Be assured i do and i really do.
Was it worth it? Think about it. To be honest, for me, i don't know.
"What is the meanest thing i can say to you?" Wednesday, April 23, 2014 @ 4:46 PM
Finally got my laptop back after a few days. Turned out the keyboard was faulty and it is replaced.
AND today is the school deadline for final submission of PI so....... this means i have completed my PI YAY!!!! It wasn't easy but last minute work motivation really gave it a push hahahaha .
So 3 days ago out of my expectations, you actually continued my conversation at night. And of course the first day will be great, as always. It was really like a big bonus gift i never though would happen, hehe :-)
And today marks the end of our conversation. My busy schedule with so much commitments everywhere (Mostly school work of course), i knew we wouldn't make it. So yes, this problem surfaced again and today you said "I think we shouldn't talk anymore". BOOMZ.
You're still rude with your vulgarities and telling me all over again how much of a loser i am to you. But worse of all you said something i thought i would only hear in the movies. "Knowing you was the biggest regret of my life and dating you was the worse decision made" Ouch. It was really courageous to say such words because it would have killed me mentally to say it and hurt someone this way. I'm not a saint but these words are really hard to say. I wouldn't say choosing you was the best choice i have made, but you just can't regret someone who (used to?) mean the world to you. You (i) gave up so much for us if you realized. I hope it hurt you that little deep inside when you said it.
BUT i could somehow feel some intention over your words. It feels like you said that so my life is easier, or so i thought.
Its pouring outside right now with the deafening thunder striking so ever often. Is this how my heart feels? Just kidding hahahahaha.
Happy Easter Day Sunday, April 20, 2014 @ 6:21 PM
Things aren't going smoothly for me today today. All the computers in the house not in the right state for me to type my documents and the other laptop is sent for repair. Last night while typing my document, the whole computer hanged and i thought i lost that shitty document i have been typing for hours. Honestly and sincerely i dislike doing PW. Okay maybe just the brainstorming of creative ideas part. Oh man, how in the world am i creative.
Somehow this morning saw some random picture with the caption "Send this to guys if they are mean to you" so i sent it to you. I don't know where that sudden courage came from but yeah, i did it. Everything went rather as expected. I am a liar to you, never did anything i promised. "Don't expect anything", "its over". "Don't even know why i am talking to you right now". All the words i expected surfaced. But i really wonder why are you so busy? You repeated it twice and also the last time before you walked away.
But at least i'm reassured you're not over me just like i am not over you. I told you i thought about 6th April last year when i went back to Yuhua that day, i doubt you know what i mean. I told you to tell me when you enlist into army. I doubt you would. You said "You don't have to wait for me to fall in love with some other people to forget me". Why won't you understand?
Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 5:48 PM
How long is "i love you still" ? @ 5:42 PM
Its another tiring day of work and trying my very best to get you off my mind (its really exhausting) So many photos of you and your friends having fun in JB are surfacing on Instagram, that girl is talking to you again on twitter and probably texting you too. Or have you guys went for another movie date again despite barely knowing each other. Or maybe in my many times of absence you have built a relationship stronger than ours? My insecurities are eating me up hun. Its 6 days to our 1000th day or maybe not so much of 1000 days because there were too much of "breakups" in between. But nevertheless, 1000 days ago it was when you said you were jumping for joy when i said yes at 01.22pm. Its been a week since you last checked our only source of memories. Its feels like i'm at the second degree sometimes but at other times, it feels like its the sixth degree where i admit i may have messed up a little. I've been using wechat to make calls i know you wouldn't answer. But also because of the same reason i have the courage to call and see that "Not responding" before each call ends.It feels exactly like i have called you because of how you would not answer my calls in such circumstances. Strange isn't it? I want to call you but at the same time i don't want to.
I don't know what's my stance right now but i'll probably figure it out as time ticks away painfully. I want to run into your embrace and melt all my pain away yet i want to push you away for causing me so much pain.
Sometimes i think i am so strong, no one, not even myself knows that i am struggling.
Last night i wondered to myself, how can someone break your walls so easily without knowing how to build it back. Not everyone could do it, but you did.
Project work PI deadline is on Tuesday and here i am still blogging while i am still stuck at my first draft hahaha. Its just not my cup of tea. I've been avoiding it for as long as i can. Definitely won't get my fantastic grade for it :(((( But argh, this sucks so much. Probably going to spend my night doing my last push (or maybe second last) push for it. Wish me luck!
Did you just care? Friday, April 18, 2014 @ 12:14 PM
Just bought new laptop one month ago and now its down :(((((( Its frustrating really because i already started storing my documents inside. This is also why i don't really favor these technologies. Sure, i need them and the bring lots of convenience to my life but the only major problem about it which i hate is that THEY DON'T LAST AT ALL!
Well, i would say it like relationships in this era. Everyone is rushing into a relationship when really, we aren't mature enough for it yet. I am no exception. I wouldn't say i regretted because i never knew how i could get so mentally and physically attached to someone. I still remember those last words before you walked away that day.
"You know how busy i am a not?"
"I don't even know why i am here today"
"You cry so easily, just like me in the past"
"Don't ask so much"
"I'm waiting to see how long you'll take to speak"
"Lets break up"
"I thought you would alight at the next stop"
As i'm recalling, did you hear it? Something is cracking and probably shattering now.
I don't understand why some part of me still wants you back. Someone i know will hurt me so bad and tear my into pieces, this is crazy. I suppose its the "Six degree of separation". -Thats a title of a song i heard from my friends recently and i can relate to it so well, i addicted to it. The lyrics goes like this ........
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.
*Ok i copied and paste from the net because i'm lazy to type. *
I have no idea which stage i am at right now, but on the bright side i guess i am not alone.
Alright back to my topic of today.
So, yesterday was Yuhua's speech day 2014. I rushed over right after my school ends at 5.30pm. I was really looking forward to this day, not because i wanted to take my testimonial so badly but in the hope that we will stand on the same ground because last year 6th of April, we were right here, both in our uniforms. But nevertheless, i had a great catching up session with my friends :-)
So, just after i left school and we were deciding where to eat because there was 12 of us and it was dinner time, you called. So many things were running through my head. You saw me? Your friends saw me? I picked up almost immediately. And the first thing you asked was where am i? But it was because my mum called you thinking we were together. Strictly speaking, we should be together if we were together. You were so calm during that call and you ended it so quickly. But picking up my mum's call at least, does it mean you cared? I don't know man.
Moving on ... Monday, April 14, 2014 @ 11:31 PM
As the saying goes, easier said than done.
Two years is long enough for someone to get mentally and physically attached to another person. Lets not speak for a relationship that lasted more than that. The issues have been persisting for quite awhile, so many promises and vows to get over it together was made by it still came to this point of separation.
Its probably been one month now and this is the toughest part of getting over someone. It happened before but i gave in to the overwhelming feelings of missing that particular someone. This exhausting endless cycle, those back views of him walking away time and again even when i last saw him. Those mean words that hurts like hell and that harsh tone.
Even after he walked away, the last words he left were all excuses. He said "I left bcos i didnt want to see you go". Really?
How on earth will i ever get over this drama
I grew up Friday, August 23, 2013 @ 5:12 PM Just got my O level MT results today. Aimed for an A1 but got an A2 which kind of like ruin all my plans. It put me into a dilemma as to whether i should retake my MT at the end of the year. And the worst thing is i lost touch with chinese already :-( So...... should i???
Okay so the major stuff that happened to me recently is going through breakup.
Well..... its really sad and everything but its comforting to have friends whom i least expect to stand by me and by now i learned so much from the relationship.
Firstly, learn to give in . Girls need not win every quarrel and never expect things like your boyfriend would hug you and say "sorry hun i didnt mean to make you unhappy" or like get you chocolates to cheer you up . What i'm referring to is after the relationship past its honeymoon period.
Secondly is patience. I'm still having problems with mine and tend to do stupid things bcos i want things immediately and sometimes regret after that. My first encounter was confronting a girl who spoke to my boyfriend(ex) like everyday. Both of them were like confiding in each other and sharing everything under the sun. So obviously i got jealous so i texted her to scold her and they stopped being friends. It affected the relationship a lot bcos i lost trust from my guy.
Thirdly, don't say mean things you don't mean. For instance, "lets break up" and expect your guy to hold you back every single time bcos he won't. Someday he will get tired and stop trying so hard for you. You would also change him to a person you wouldn't want.
Fourth, don't use crocodile tears. I have to admit i cried purposely sometimes to seek comfort from him because i THOUGHT he would. Sadly, no. It went the opposite way, because when you cry too much it doesn't mean a thing anymore. But still, its perfectly fine to break down sometimes bcos we're HUMAN!
Lastly, not all relationships will last, in fact many don't. I know its hard to go through a break up with someone you really really love a lot and at the end of the day they don't believe you did. You cry so hard but its not going to change anything. But you need to know you cannot ever say you regretted because at one point of time it was all you ever wanted and if you didnt then why get together in the first place right.
So embrace the memories (You would bcos its all you think of aft a breakup) be a better girl . Although these memories will hurt you at first, you will eventually look at it in a different light. And i think someone would definitely stop by for you one day to complete your life.
Okay this is a long post, hehe ^-^ Be happy everyone, happiness is priceless .
Till next time!
Untitled Thursday, June 13, 2013 @ 3:33 PM
退后 Thursday, June 6, 2013 @ 3:59 PM
#np 退后 so the title shall be it.
So.. i went to my last shooting competition yesterday.
Got the highest score of 124 among my team, even higher than the boys team hehe yay! But that's only highest among the Yuhua team.
Had breakfast at mac. Okay i don't look glamorous here, but whatever .
Bused over to HTA and did what girls usually do in the toilet . P I C T U R E S ^^
We were the second school to shoot so we ended earlier than expected. We could have gone back to school if we wanted, but being typical students, we decided not to!
Bused back to jurong point and had my virgin Makeshake with YingRui and Vythis
I find it way tooooooooooooo expensive and not worth it because it simply doesn't taste very amazing to me. I would prefer caramel frappe at mac instead. Probably won't visit it again unless someone wants to treat me, hehe.
Home sweet home after that and ended the day with 1hour of badminton. I had to dig out my rackets and shuttlecock because it has been more than one year since i last touched it :-(
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My sis is cute, i know .
As for today, it just a typical boring school day. Had 2 hours of bio and 2 hours of chemistry continuously. And i'm almost dropping dead already. SO NOT looking forward to science camp during the last week of june holidays. Maths was even worse. Mr Tan gave us 11 portfolios to do, Sigh..
Based on past records, i have never completed portfolios given before the holidays. But maybe a miracle would happen and i would finish it this time.
To let go or to pursue it. So many things are reminding me of it.
Big girls don't cry Monday, June 3, 2013 @ 4:37 PM
The big day is finally over. Paper 1 was okay but i don't think i was thinking strait when i wrote my compo.
Last part of Paper 2 was a god damm killer . I froze when i read all the questions.
But i'm glad i get to do the paper at least after what happened yesterday.
I was down with 39.9 fever and spent my entire day in bed. Thank god it subsided by late night.
The sad part is i didn't revise at all . My mum was like "You die liao la", "If you dont do well ah blabla.."
So typical Singaporean mother. My results are like more important than how sick i am . Okay whatever.
I know how important it is to me and my future too but urgg, screw this monotonous life.
Relationship Sunday, May 26, 2013 @ 12:23 PM I know every relationship has it ups and downs. Sweetness, quarrels everything .
Guess i'm experiencing my downs right now . I think it all boils down to jealousy and people are tired of trying and striving hard for the relationship.
Right from the beginning when we started out, it was just like any ordinary relationship. Sending me home, sweet talks, drowning my heart in a pool of love. Then secretly going out together without my parent's consent. Everything was going well.
About one and a half year passed, quarrels start invading the relationship. At first, it would always turn out alright and ended even more loving. Then perhaps we both got tired of trying. For him, i know its because he thinks that nothing ever changes even though i promised to. I cant really judge myself, but i think my temper got a little better, not that much though. My dressing is another issue. Well.. I remembered he once said, i look good in anything. After awhile, he thinks i dress to revealingly. I tried looking for t-shirts to wear but my wardrobe is full of clothes i usually wear which now seems to affect his mood every time we went out. The worst trouble now is our conversations. We always end up quarreling and he seems to always end it with "go talk to other boys". I don't usually apologize in the past and he would joke that if i ever did, Singapore would snow. But now, "Sorry" lost its meaning due to over usage of it.
We land ourselves in the situation such that we would either end up stronger or lose this relationship.
Hope nothing screws up again .