It suffocating, it feels like falling apart, being torn inside out and stabbed a million times. This is the worst heartbreak ever. Thankfully, i don't feel this way 24/7. But its like an illness, acting up from time to time. It really hard to accept you're gone, changed. 

I'm constantly having thoughts that maybe, just maybe if it was my last month, week or day on this earth, would things be different. Would you come if i wanted to see you, would you hold my hand and tell me not to go? But silly, if this was a movie, you would be here by now. 

One fine day i feel like "urgh i hate you, i'm never ever going to talk to you again", then a few days later i can't stop thinking, i can't. You said, they said, time will heal. Its so hard, i swear. I know i should keep my distance, i shouldn't bother you anymore. I don't want to do this either. 

Why are you different? Everywhere i go, everything i do, something is bound to trigger the thoughts of you. HELP ME will you? Not with your coldness, not with your rejection. 

Gone forever, aren't you.. The loudest cries won't be in exchange for a comforting hug. 

Define death, you asked. Feel me, silly.